Odds and Ends

I was reading over my hand written journal last week. The journal is from the time that we decided to do IVF up until Elizabeth's first birthday. It was really neat to read and remember what we went through with the IVF, and then the excitement of finding out we were pregnant, and then of course my being convinced I was having a boy only to be over the moon about the fact that I was having a girl. I was also so happy to read that my ppd was not that big a deal. I suffered some ukie stuff, but not for long. It was there a few days, then I felt great, then it came around the time of my period, but then it left. I wrote so much about how I loved my baby to no end. How beautiful she was, how fun she was, how amazed I was, and how HAPPY I was. I'm so lucky that I did not get the horrible ppd that I've read some women have had. How blessed am I? Very very blessed. From day one I thanked God for my beautiful girl, and I continue to do so everyday. I need to forgive myself for having ppd (a dear friend told me that over the weekend). I think the way for me to move towards forgiveness is that I need to realize that I was really feeling normal emotions, yes I probably cried more than most new mothers, but most new mothers do feel the way I was feeling. I also need to remember that my life changed in a huge way, and I was not in any way prepared for it. I went from being a career woman living life in the fast lane, to stay at home Mom with no sleep. It was normal for me to feel like I was a little lost. I know I can move towards forgiving, because when I look back to the first six weeks I feel the love, the amazement, the joy, the blessing, the wonder, the happiness....it so helps to type this out, to remember that I was and still am sooooooo incredibly happy to be Elizabeth's Mommy. Thank you God for blessing me.

Ok, I had to get that out. Now I will move on to what we did today.

Elizabeth and I went to my sister's house today. Madison was there so Elizabeth was so happy. She loves that baby so much. It is beautiful to see them together. They hug each other! Madison is six months now, but she reaches out to hug Elizabeth (and gum her a bit!). It's so cute. Elizabeth spent a lot of time reading books to Madison, and Maddi seemed to love it. I just love watching Elizabeth with her. She changes her voice to talk to her, and she gives her these adorable smiles. I love it. I know Elizabeth would love being a big sister.

I have to say something, and I know this will probably sound crazy, but I need to get it out. Sometimes I don't think my sister likes my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I know she loves her, but sometimes the way she is with her seems like she doesn't like her. I can't explain it. I think my daughter feels it too. She certainly treats my sister much differently than she does Tom's sister. With Andrea she is crazy happy and full of joy. She adores Andrea. With my sister she just isn't the same. Kinda sad. Hmmm.